Adventures of Veronica, a homeschooled teenager

ADVENTURES OF VERONICA, A COLLEGE-AGED HOMESCHOOLER
(Mostly Compiled From Actual Events)
By Emily Houk, Selina Hunt, and Sarabeth Matilsky

Cast of characters:
-Veronica, a homeschooled teenager
-A Concerned Mail Carrier
-Veronica’s Concerned Grandmother
-Two of Veronica’s Concerned Peers
-Two Concerned Strangers
-Two Concerned Friends-of-the-Family

SKIT ONE

Mail Carrier: So, here’s your mail.

Veronica: Thanks.

M: You know, I’ve noticed that you haven’t been getting any college applications…

V: Oh! Uh—well, I’m not planning on going to college.

M: (laughs) If I’m still on this route in ten years, I’ll be bringing you your welfare checks. Have a nice day!

SKIT TWO

Grandmother: It’s so good to see you, Ronny dear! So, what are some upcoming plans? What’s next?

Veronica: Well, summer—and then I’m going to be….

G: (interrupting) Yes, but what comes after summer?

V: Actually, I haven’t started to plan that far ahead yet.

G: (meaningfully) Yes dear, but there are some things that must be planned before late August!

V: Uh…

G: Like college, for one thing…

V: Grandma, college is only one of many options!

G: …My friend Dotty’s granddaughter—that girl who got straight A’s in school—is going to a fine college. In fact, I went there. Wouldn’t it be lovely if you two were classmates? At my old school?
And there’s another thing, dear. Ever since you were a little girl, we’ve been putting money aside for this exciting time when you head out on your own…

V: Uh huh…

G: Now. You can use this money in any way you see fit. It was intended for you to prepare for your Future—to attend college. Or, you can always blow it on a trip to Hawaii or a ski trip where you’ll end up breaking your leg.

V: Uh huh.

G: But of course dear, after all, it’s your choice. It’s your life. And I’ll love you even if you’re a nothing…(with a broken leg.)

SKIT THREE

Peer #1: Blah, blah, blah, college, blah, blah, blah…

Peer #2: Blah blah, Applications blah…

#1: Blah, blah, blah, Test Scores, blah, blah, blah…

#2: Blah, blah, blah guys…

#1: Blah, blah, blah, HOT GUYS and parties!

#2: (to Veronica) So, why aren’t you going to college, anyway? Lucy told me you’re not planning on it.

#1: (incredulous) You’re not going to college?? Wow. I never even thought of that. I mean, I’ve got, like, no idea what to do with my life…

V: Well, neither do I, actually, but I’ve decided…

#2: But college tells you what to do with your life—I mean, like, you pay all that money, it hasta buy you something!

SKIT FOUR
(On a Train)

Stranger #1: Back to school after a weekend at home, dear?

V: No, actually, I’m coming home from a weekend gathering for homeschooled teenagers.

Stranger #2: Oh, I’ve heard of homeschooling—but aren’t you old enough to be in college?

V: Well, I could be in college, but I’ve chosen to further my education in other ways. I haven’t totally ruled it out, but I also consider college to be an option for someone of any age.

#1: Yes, but you said you’re living at home now, right? How do you intend to start your career without a degree?

V: Well, practical experience can be an important asset when applying for a job. For example, I’ve been interning at the state department for the past four months, and I’m pursuing other opportunities to further my interest in governmental affairs. I’ve also been working at a health food store to finance my upcoming trip to Brazil, and when I get back I’ll be moving out on my own to live and work full-time on a friend’s organic farm…

#2: That’s nice dear. Of course, in a few years you may want to reconsider and…

#1: (Breaking character, speaking to the audience) Excuse me. We interrupt this real-life scenario because it is too boring and realistic. Next time, when someone doesn’t want to understand, we’re gonna do it differently…

SKIT FIVE

Friend-of-the-Family #1: So, your mother tells us you’re not planning to attend college…?

Friend-of-the-Family #2: What are you planning?

Veronica: Well, for the next three months I’ll be at home shooting my second documentary film on Native Insects of Australia, preparing for my upcoming trip to Zimbabwe to intern at “Mangolicious,” a mango jam packaging plant, and I’m still volunteering at the National Institute for Sun Worshippers.

#1: Yes, but how about a job? Where will you work without a college diploma?

#2: yeah—what about money?

V: Well, the money I received from my job tagging lions in the Serengeti, combined with the salary I earned last year working for a hypnotist who specializes in preventing snoring by unearthing repressed traumatic memories from past lives, will hold me through this next trip. And then, well, I’ll see what comes next. I have been offered a job leading month-long yak treks in the Himalayas, so that may be an option…
…All of this, of course, depends upon whether I’ve been accepted at West Booneville Community College.