A Theatrical, Satirical, Traveling Summer

Dear Family,

“Time went by so fast these days. There was some sort of malfunction going on with how fast the earth was spinning. Decades went by as quick as years once did.”
—Liane Moriarty, “Nine Perfect Strangers”

“And the moral of the story is that you don’t remember what happened. What you remember becomes what happened.”
—John Greene, “An Abundance of Katherines”



You know what sometimes makes me really happy? That when Ivy walks next to me when I’m pushing the shopping cart, her head is still shorter than the handle, which means she’s still little and has a long way to go before she’s grown up.

Wriggling uselessly on top of her sleepingg bag, too tired to get in: “My covers don’t work!”

“Mama! You know what?” No, what, Ivy? “I WUV you! …Dat’s what papa always says.”

Recently, Ivy displayed her latest work of art, which appeared to be a giant screw taped to a picture she’d drawn: “It’s a beeyootiful elephant! Its trunk is a screw.”

Coming back from a bike ride with Papa: “That was goddamn fun!”

“I wuv you more than headphones! Acuz..you made me. Why would I hate you? You made me! You’re my Mama Chicken.”

My pain-in-the-ass, woebegone daughter tells me with clear intonation, after moping for half a freaking hour after I told her to do her chore: “...One time, PAPA helped me wash the table, and we did a GREAT job, and it went REALLY QUICKLY acuz he HELPED me.”

Ivy! It’s time to do your chore without me asking any more times!! “I hear you! I just hafta finish this.”

Ivy makes a book, illustrated with pictures of “karaoke tracks” on the cover, “an it’s about BEYOOTIFUL music and AMAZIN’ dance!”