Dear Friends and Family,

So back when I started writing down my children’s precocious and adorable “isms,” I sent out these updates every month at least, and the kids love going back to read “what I said when I was little”, now that they aren’t anymore. Due to our last two especially insane years, I have done the least writing of my parenting career while Miri was busy living her entire life. So I have a bit of catching up to do if she is gonna get even an abbreviated record for her to look back in in later years.

After I wrote what you are about to read (if you choose to do so), I started thinking about censorship. Spoiler alert: I did not come up with anything earth shattering. But I did do a lot of navel gazing while writing, since I, like most humans with heartbeats, have some opinions relating to the American presidential election last week.

Dear Family and Friends,

Several weeks ago, I was trying to come up with Good Things To Say About Birthing Small Humans Through a Pelvis Cavity that is Obviously Not Designed To Make the Process Pleasant. I came up with two things: 1. After some period of time, giving birth _always_ ends; and 2. After I give birth, I have something to write about.

I have not written a Family Life Update in many months, and in that time, Kai went from a barely-talking toddler to a very-much-talking small kid with a TON of personality. I wrote down so many little snippets over the past eight months because when a child of mine is Kai’s age (now 2.5), I get A. dumbfounded by the cuteness, and B. I don’t have to worry about embarrassing him by writing down what he says. It doesn’t hurt that Kai is by far my healthiest and happiest offspring at the age of two (see Vitamin A Detox Diet Theories for more on why that might be so).

First, in honor of the few generous readers who don’t know me personally, a quick round of Two Truths and a Lie:

A. I didn’t vote for Trump.
B. I don’t ever plan to vote for Trump.
C. I think most people who voted for Trump are fascist, uneducated white supremacists, since there aren’t many other reasons for voting that way.

Part 1

“No pure form of totalitarian government has ever existed.”
— Anonymous Commenter on Quora.com

“When dividing a pie, first determine your fair share. Then, take less.”
— My mother

——

Our road trip by the numbers:
13 - Days we were gone.
43 - Dear people we visited.
6 - Blueberry bushes delivered in pairs to garden beds in Maine, Arlington, and Northampton.
1742 - Miles Traveled, Approximately.
162 - Pounds of apples (mostly Winecrisp and Mutsu) picked in Ithaca.
4 - Enormous pumpkins purchased locally in Ithaca.
7 - Bags of awesome hand-me-downs received.
A Very Lot More - Amount of Total Stuff we returned home with as compared with how much we had when we left.

——

September 14, 2022

To Whom it May Concern:

When I was a teenager, I didn’t realize that my epiphany was already a cliche: “Being a good friend means that you support someone when they’re having a hard time!”

Later, I thought it was sophisticated when a friend pointed out: “It’s obvious when someone’s crying that they need our support; but a good friend can laugh with you, too!” I updated my friendship ideology accordingly.

At the same time, being a Grown Up in our modern world was making clear something more mundane: a good friend can handle it when you disagree.